your parents love me but you hate me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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