He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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