You made me cry and you don't even care
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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