I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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