I heard we made out
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize