At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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