Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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