you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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