I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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