Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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