i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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