I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize