I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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