Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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