i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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