i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
do nipples grow back?
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