Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize