WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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