Me. At least after what I've been through.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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