Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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