He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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