How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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