I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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