I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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