Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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