You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize