Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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