Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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