I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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