Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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