Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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