Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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