And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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