He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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