Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
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Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize