i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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