My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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