Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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