I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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