By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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