She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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