Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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