so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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