I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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