So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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