Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize