So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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