Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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