im holly from the hills drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize