i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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